now i see the long, the short, the middle, and what's in between--i could spit on a stranger....

i am jack's lowered self esteem. tonight i thought i'd be a good person and help with some renovations around my church. this was not a good idea. background...i've been going to this church for the past seven years and have been what us sociologists call a "free rider": i consume religious goods and offer no payment in return. i'll donate clothes to the garage sales or cut them a check every once in a while, but i've never really been involved. so tonight my goal was to make up for those seven years. unfortunately, i should not be allowed outside my apartment.

it started out well enough...went for a run to put myself in good spirits, talked a friend into coming with me, put on my painting shorts and headed over. they immediately put us on roller duty. by the way, i'm by no means a painter. or a hammerer. or a sawer. but i try to look as competent as possible and go about my rolling. i end up painting next to the pastor of the church, and we chit chat uncomfortably for a bit before i spill nearly the entire tray of paint on the floor. i have no idea how to clean paint off a floor, so, long story short, my presence will always be remembered in the church by the enormous blue stain in the middle of said floor.

at this point i just want to go home. so i head to the sink to rinse out my roller and start talking to the girl next to whom i'd been painting. i ask her name like i figure a normal person would, and i swear she says "haiti." now, this is not a common name, so i ask her to repeat it. "haiti," she says. "haiti?" i ask, trying to confirm. "um, yeah. like K and T," she responds. "katie," i say, "i've, um, never heard that name before." sadly, this is not remotely close to my top two most embarrassing first encounters with a girl, but we'll save those for another time....