the world of normalcy

friday random 10: go lasers!

2006-01-27T19:05:00.000-08:00

i tell ya, it feels good to be back into a routine. being able to come home, sit at a desk, and type a little bit for your enjoyment adds a little bit of home to this far away land. this weekend, i'm planning on watching the entire third season of 24, helping a friend build a fireplace, cleaning, trying out a new church, and buying a new car! let's see how it's going to pan out....

1. "Feel Fine" - Augustana
2. "He Was There" - David Crowder Band
3. "Worlds Apart" - Jars Of Clay
4. "Two Coins" - Dispatch
5. "Hemorrhage (In My Hands)" - Fuel
6. "Rearviewmirror" - Pearl Jam
7. "Late Night Radio" - David Gray
8. "Bunnies" - Howie Day
9. "Amsterdam" - Guster
10. "Did I Fool Ya?" - Jason Mraz

hmmm...one must refer to how i feel watching dvds on my enormous tv. three clearly represents the distance between me and #2. :o( eight, on there other hand, clearly means that she will be here with me soon. :o) and ten of course refers to me buying a new car this weekend.... ;o)

you don't know me, you don't even care....

2006-01-26T20:22:00.000-08:00

hey kids!

i know it's been f'ing forever since my last post, but i have plenty of excuses. i moved halfway across the country, moved into a new apartment, bought thousands (and thousands!) of dollars worth of new stuff, started a new job, and boy does having a girlfriend take up some time. so, as it's quite late here on the east coast, here are some pics from the past month to tide you over until tomorrow's friday random 10!

here are #2 and me in texas....

here's the texas apartment as i'm packing....

man bites dog....

here's mom in the atlanta apartment....

here's me giddy that i have cable on my HUGE tv....

more to come....

is this the real life? is this just fantasy?

2005-11-29T21:07:00.000-08:00

so much to report! first an update on the casino trip...i won almost exactly the amount i had to spend to fix my car. it's like God wants me to gamble or something, right? the bad news (or good news, depending on your point of view) is that i seem to have lost my love for the game. it doesn't hold the same allure it once did. could i have mastered the game and it no longer challenges me? has it gained too much exposure and now conflicts with my indie nature? do the people at the tables smell too foul? any of the above could be true, but it boils down to me being ok with playing a lot less poker once i leave texas.

thanksgiving was incredible...both of them. and the second one was followed by "black friday." i don't understand this term. we, as americans, should celebrate this day as a bastion of capitalism. i was at office depot at six in the morning to pick up a digital camera...the digital camera that took this picture:

that, of course, is my roommate, who hilariously took this picture:

laying with me is, of course, maddy, who also appears in this picture:

holding maddy in that picture is, of course, #2, who also appears in this picture:

next to #2 is, of course, her boyfriend--me. that's right, i of all people now have a girlfriend! many of you anticipated this coupling, and i applaude you. and i applaude myself for at long last figuring out what a great girl she is and convincing her to go out with me. as she is an avid reader of this blog, i'll omit most of the details, but know that i'm so happy and want this to last a really long time. though i have the feeling "#2" will not last as her pseudonym in this space or as her pet name in real life....

friday random 10: sittin next to vanna white....

2005-11-18T11:56:00.000-08:00

hey kids! after a brief hiatus, the random 10 has returned. this is an action-packed weekend! in mere seconds i'm headed to shreveport to get my last poker fix for a long while, tomorrow is our annual thanksgiving potluck, and sunday i'm going to get some, like, culture and see a play. i'm very excited....

1. "Halfway Home" - Jason Mraz
2. "Carry You" - Dispatch
3. "Slow Jamz" - Kanye West, Twista & Jamie Foxx
4. "Don't Dream It's Over" - Crowded House
5. "All The Way Up To Heaven" - Guster
6. "I Don't Wanna Be (live)" - Gavin DeGraw
7. "Rough And Tumble" - Tribe America
8. "String Quartet No 2 - Nocturne - Borodin" - Various Artists
9. "How to Be Dead" - Snow Patrol
10. "Sweetly Fly" - Huckleberry

hmmm...this is a tricky one. one may well refer to the location where i get a speeding ticket as i tend to on gambling trips. three could (hopefully?) refer to tonight when i share a hotel room with #2. scandalous! i'm sure i'll be thinking of four during dinner tomorrow night when my closest friends are gathered together for one of my favorite college events. six and nine most likely refer to the poker tonight...as in "i don't wanna be" going home broke...again, nor do i want that feeling to teach me "how to be dead." ten and five certainly refer to the way i feel at the thanksgiving dinner and its two fried turkeys, homemade macaroni and cheese, cornbread, dirt, and sparkling grape juice. mmm...thanksgiving....

what would you say if i told you that i won't be by today? would you say that i'm just a bus driver?

2005-11-16T14:36:00.000-08:00

i tell ya, nothing can drive a man to blogging like anger. today i had to teach, so i took the trolley as i normally do. now, the driver of this particular trolley route and i have a touch of history. it's certainly nothing torrid as you readers might hope, just one filled with the peccadillos that make me think someone hates me, as i tend to do. in this case though, it seems i might have been right.

so today i was approaching the trolley stop when i see the trolley pull up. as it starts to leave, i'm still about thirty feet from the actual stop, so i move toward the middle of the street with my right hand raised, indicating my desire to board the trolley. instead of pulling over the trolley he'd been accelerating for a total of about three seconds and opening the door, he accelerated more, steered the trolley around me, looked me in the eyes, waved his finger, shook his head, and mouthed "NO!" i stood in the street dumbfounded. i looked at other passersby for explanation. they offered none, for there was none.

the trolley driver literally went out of his way to be mean to me. is being fifteen seconds late to a trolley--that is on a loose schedule at best--such a horrible offense? have the monsters instilled in him a cynicism that surpasses even my own? i returned to the safety of the sidewalk and watched as the trolley turned the corner. i'm not one to anger so easily, but my face warmed with the flames of anger despite the whipping winds. what do i say to this person the next time i need a ride to campus? "hi!"? "thanks for the ride!"? "please sir, may i enter this trolley if it fancies you?"? maybe i should just stay home....

i wanna shine on in the hearts of men....

2005-10-30T21:39:00.000-08:00

(save this for later if you're not ready for bad news.)

my pastor died today. right in front of my eyes. right in front of his wife's eyes and those of the rest of congregation. we watched as he was pulled from the baptistry after being electrocuted in a freak accident. we watched as loved ones and then emergency medical technicians attended to him, trying to save his life. we watched, with tears in our eyes, as he was carted out of the church that he built. an hour later, we found out he had died.

i'm fine. i don't need consolation or to talk it out. i don't need to ask why, and i'm not angry at God. don't get me wrong; i've cried more today than just about any other day, and it's definitely in contention for the worst-day-of-my-life honor. he was a great man who deeply impacted my life. my theology, worldview, and life as a whole have changed considerably since i began attending his church, and those changes were in large part due to what he preached every week. and it is those changes that are getting me through this.

when i cry, it is for his wife who lost her thirty-three year old husband. it is for their three young children, who i pray will remember him. it is for the church that he built and that i call my home. they need God's grace and peace. please keep his family and church in your prayers.

friday random 10: coming home....

2005-10-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

it's homecoming! woohoo! wait, that actually has absolutely no impact on my life. hmm...well it is the weekend, and i am excited about that. friend #1 is coming into town, i MIGHT go to the football game tomorrow, and we get to talk about garden stae at church this weekend. please itunes, tell me something good....

1. "Bigger than my Body" - John Mayer
2. "Wake Up" - Rage Against The Machine
3. "Our Love Is Loud" - David Crowder Band
4. "Indefinitely" - Travis
5. "Hurry Up And Wait" - Stereophonics
6. "Ready For The Rain" - Dime Store Prophets
7. "Ocean Song" - The Regulars
8. "Idyl for Strings - Adagio - Janacek" - Various Artists
9. "From Here You Can Almost See the Sea" - David Gray
10. "Ebay (Parody of "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys)" - "Weird Al" Yankovic

yikes! a bit of a water them with six, seven, and nine eh? no clue what those mean...atlanta is, like, far from the ocean and stuff, right? two is what i hope not to do when the stupid parade marches in front of my apartment. four is of course refering to my dissertation. ten might allude to the three hours of fiddling with my computer last night. if you want a new browser, check out mozilla firefox or opera, the mouse gestures are great!

i'm eating mangos in trinidad with attorneys....

2005-10-21T14:53:00.000-07:00

several things...

1. i'm going to learn how to type! that's right, it takes me flippin' forever to write one of these things because i still hunt and peck for each key. i had to dictate any papers to my mom until i graduated high school and only became somewhat proficient at this hunting and pecking my sophomore year of college after hundreds of hours of chatting online. so now, seven years later, i think it's time. i have a monster paper ahead of me, so unless mom wants to move in with me for dictation purposes, i'm going to learn to look at screen and type.

2. #2 has done it again. today she surprised me with DAVID GRAY tickets! i'm unbelievably excited about this. she had hatched a great plan to surprise me with them, but i of course blew it with incessant questions and a compulsive need to plan. i was still very surprised. and this concert is just one week before i get to see HOOTIE play! it's gonna be a good month....

3. it's official...i'm moving to atlanta! can you believe it? i'm not sure that i can...it still hasn't completely hit me. a couple of weeks ago i had to suffer through an incredibly nerve-wracking phone interview. several things played into my nervousness: i've never had a real job interview, i hate talking on the phone, and i hate talking to strangers. i thought it went well overall...only a couple of silences (which is good for me) and i don't recall making any racist or sexist comments. a week later they made me an offer, and i accepted. so, as of january 4, 2006, i will be working as a research manager in atlanta, georgia. everyone is welcome to buy me goodbye gifts/meals before i go.... ok, to wrap up the random 10, number one would be for me to stay, but also to be happy, of course. two would have to be severely underpaid and unfathomably lonely. five is what i need when picking out a new huge tv for my new place. six is what i say to all my texas friends...i expect ALL of you to come see me. and finally, ten would be where i definitely don't want to live...unless i get a great deal....

friday random 10: i'm such a tease....

2005-10-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

hey kids...i PROMISE another post today with full updates on my life. until then, here's the random 10 to whet your appetites. tonight i'm playing in a no-money poker game with some friends. (is that really poker though? hmm....) tomorrow i'm considering making a solo trip to the casinos, but i'd have to be home in time for the two HUGE games tomorrow night. (go horns and 'stros!)

1. "What You Want" - Caedmon's Call
2. "I Don't Want to Be" - Gavin DeGraw
3. "Love Song For No One" - John Mayer
4. "Gimme Stitches" - Foo Fighters
5. "Clarity" - John Mayer
6. "Don't Dream It's Over" - Crowded House
7. "The Lark Ascending or (Perhaps More Accurately, I'm Trying To Make You Sing)" - David Crowder Band
8. "Bach: Concerto for Violin, BMV 1042" - Pinchas Zuckerman & English Chamber Orchestra
9. "Sundown" - Elwood
10. "Ghetto" - P.O.D

it makes me very sad that number three is the first song to be played twice in the random 10. what are you telling me, itunes?! and what in the world am i to do with seven and eight? anyway, i'll try to work one, two, five, six, and ten into the today's second post.... :o)

friday random 10: argh!

2005-10-14T06:25:00.000-07:00

sorry for the dearth of posts, yall. there's something i desperately want to tell you guys, but, for reasons beyond my control, i have to wait until next week to do it. in the meantime, you'll be happy to know that dissertating has picked up, and i'm pretty happy with the early results. this weekend, i think we're going to the local fair; i have an, um, appointment saturday morning; and we might hit up the HUGE football game saturday. let's see if the 10 can convince me....

1. "Last Goodbye" - Jeff Buckley
2. "Let's Get it On" - Gavin DeGraw
3. "Jesus Walks" - Kanye West
4. "Interstate" - The Refreshments
5. "At the Stars" - Howie Day
6. "Alibi" - David Gray
7. "0% Interest" - Jason Mraz
8. "Romeo On The Radio" - The Normals
9. "Nature's Backbeat" - Tribe America
10. "83" - John Mayer

hmmm...another off week. all i can think of is that hopefully we'll be saying number one to the huskers this weekend and then pointing them to number four. hopefully three will be more like "jesus runs it up the middle" come game time. six is what i'll need to cover up where i really am tomorrow morning. anybody else have anything that relates?

friday random 10: what happens when no good movies open in town?

2005-10-07T12:24:00.000-07:00

so this weekend, my plans consist entirely of watching the ut-ou game and working on the dissertation. lame, but productive...hopefully.

1. "Side" -- Travis
2. "My Hope" -- David Crowder Band
3. "Everything Else" -- Howie Day
4. "Anna Begins" -- Counting Crows
5. "Walk on the Ocean (acoustic)" -- Toad The Wet Sprocket
6. "Isfahan" -- E.S. Posthumus
7. "No Sleep" -- Sam Roberts
8. "Cut It Ya Match It" -- Dispatch
9. "Reactionary" -- Umbrellas
10. "St. Patrick's Day" -- John Mayer

another off week for the random 10. two and seven could well refer to the bane of my existence: the dissertation. "my hope" is that i will one day finish this project, and "no sleep" is what it will take to do so. three is what i'm disregarding to get through it. six is...well i really don't know what six is. ten could foreshadow the celebration i'll be having tonight because of the news of this morning....

friday random 10: help!

2005-09-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

this weekend, i plan on watching about seven movies at the theater, babysitting a professor's kid (why he would ask me of all people is beyond me), and welcoming an old college friend back to her alma mater. also, it seems i'm not alone in my difficult life decision ahead of me...both a happy cricket and bip are going through similar processes. hopefully this installment of the random 10 can shed some light on all of our paths, because, you know, i'm all about, like, encouraging people and stuff....

1. "Stars" -- David Crowder Band
2. "Paranoia" -- Sam Roberts
3. "What Do You Do?" -- Dogs Eye View
4. "Just" -- Radiohead
5. "Cling and Clatter" -- Lifehouse
6. "House Carpenter" -- Nickel Creek
7. "Where Do I Begin" -- The Chemical Brothers
8. "The Blower's Daughter" -- Damien Rice
9. "Sinking" -- Jars Of Clay
10. "End Of Our Days" -- Howie Day

well that seems to have failed miserably. these describe more the current situation than the future, unless it's telling us that we could end up in the roles mentioned in one and six. otherwise, i'd say that two, three, seven, nine, and ten all describe my present thoughts and feelings. sadly, i feel many of the same things about babysitting tomorrow. if anyone knows how to keep a four year old entertained for a couple of hours, let me know....

watch out for the mastodons....

2005-09-27T20:37:00.000-07:00

can you believe that i'm posting on a day other than friday? i know, it's weird. let me tell you about two of the biggest things that have happened to me in the past couple of weeks. two thursdays ago, i had my second nondate of the year. thye're both "non"dates in that both times a girl asked me out, and both times they (allegedly) already had boyfriends. the first one was actually a former student of mine and, had we fallen passionately in love, would have made me feel like teaching college students was totally worth it. but we didn't, so i don't. the second date was a set up by #2, and this girl was supposed to be my soulmate. (mom was very excited.) but between the time she met #2 and the time she met me, she found herself a little boyfriend. which is fine. i tend to have low expectations about first meetings, because i'm generally either disappointed in the other person or myself. so we meet, have dinner, and depart an hour later. it was fine--not spectacular, not terrible. i may have come off a touch dark, but at least i didn't call her "haiti." and i made her laugh a few times...chicks dig that. i haven't talked to her since, but i'd guess we would have had there been no boyfriend involved.

the bigger news, in my opinion, is the news i alluded to in the previous post: i have a (somewhat formal) job offer on the table. (mom is very excited...sort of...i think. i'll let her comment on her joy in my finding a job versus her despair that any future grandkids could be all the way across the country.) a friend from graduate school who got a great job in atlanta, of all places, has offered me a great position at his research firm. i'd be doing good research, and i wouldn't even have to talk to any strangers! although eventually i would have to be a manager, which could be ruinous. so here i am, twenty-six years old, considering my first job not involving a restaurant or mall, my second move to the east coast, and my ensuing overhauled life. what to do? am i ready to grow up? to leave behind my friends? to put myself out there and try to make new ones? to have a career? to have real responsibilities with real rewards and consequences? will they be ok with me coming into work at 2 pm? can i handle wearing suits everyday? could a real job actually kill me? i have answers to three of these questions. if yall could answer the rest for me, that'd be great. thanks!

friday random 10: beware!

2005-09-23T19:11:00.000-07:00

hey kids...sorry for the delay! i do have things to write about--i promise-- i've just gotten caught up doing other things. this weekend, my family and friends are holed up in houston avoiding some lady named rita. i on the other hand am heading to a wedding in dallas tomorrow and spent tonight trying to find the perfect wedding gift...that they registered for. what a hassle. we settled on a poker table and place settings. hopefully they won't read this before they open them....

1. "This Wreck of a Life" -- Sam Roberts
2. "Certain Tragedy" -- Saves The Day
3. "Rarefied" -- Sam Roberts
4. "Fine Line" -- Hootie & The Blowfish
5. "Rocket Man (I Think It's Going to Be a Long, Long Time)" -- Elton John
6. "Nothing to Write Home About" -- Soul Asylum
7. "Comfortable" -- John Mayer
8. "Just Looking" -- Stereophonics
9. "Fat Albert Theme" -- Dig
10. "Don't Hold Back (Full On)" -- The Normals

that's right, i own a cover of the fat albert theme. i don't care what you people think! anyway, this list does not bode well for anyone this weekend. check out one and two and do your best not to apply them to houston or the wedding. four, seven, and eight could apply to some news i got yesterday, which i'll write about soon. six could apply to the vince vaughn wild west comedy tour, which i actually had tickets to and decided not to go. i know, i suck.

friday random 10: homecoming

2005-09-15T23:10:00.000-07:00

ok, there was a little confusion last week, so here's the deal. i'm only looking at the predictive powers of the songs' titles, unless otherwise noted. this weekend , i'm heading back home. the roommate and friend #2 are tagging along, so it should be an...interesting time. let's see what the songs tell us....

1. "Run" -- Snow Patrol
2. "I'll Do Anything" -- Jason Mraz
3. "Taj Mahal" -- Sam Roberts
4. "My Hope" -- David Crowder Band
5. "Nada" -- The Refreshments
6. "All I'm Losing Is Me" -- Saves The Day
7. "Love Song For No One" -- John Mayer
8. "3x5" -- John Mayer
9. "Try" -- Michael Penn
10. "I'm So Ronery" -- Team America

hmmm...number two (not #2) might describe my willingness to sleep on an air mattress while #2 gets the guestroom. this also indicates that number three definitely would not apply. numbers seven and ten apply to pretty much every weekend (day? hour? *tears hitting keyboard*). those could also apply to my nondate tonight, which i'll write about later. and is it bad that i desperately want to manipulate the the selection of the random 10? does this make me a bad survey researcher...that i want to adjust the methodolgy of this random sample? maybe i'd just rather have it weighted. or maybe a stratified sample....

don't wanna know why you like me, i don't care....

2005-09-13T16:21:00.000-07:00

three things....

1. i don't f'ing believe it. i actually worked on the dissertation again today. that's right, i finally put pen to paper (fingers to keys?) and started writing. for those who don't know, dissertating has been a very long process for me. i've had my topic for over a year, but i seem to have some physiological aversion to working on it. any time i would plan on working on it, i literally felt sick. i'd never encountered a feeling like this, at least not toward schoolwork. so yesterday i sat down with my advisor and asked for some help. he told me just to start writing, and i reluctantly heeded his advice. two paragraphs into the introduction, though, i wanted to check some facts against one of the articles i'd read, only to find that my stack of literature was nowhere to be found. (the sick feeling returns.) i search throughout my desk and the rest of the office, but i find nothing. i guess it got thrown out when i switched offices. it is somewhat disheartening to know that even the little work you've done is all for naught. i couldn't handle it and had to go home. but i tell you what...those two paragraphs were quality. maybe i'll post them....

2. have you ever woken up from a nap to find yourself talking to someone on the phone? this afternoon, i awoke to the voice of my alaskan friend whom i hadn't talked to in a couple of months. i'd guess i'd been talking to her for five minutes before i realized that i was talking to someone on the phone in real life. this is the second time i remember something like this happening to me. during my junior year, i awoke to find myself applying for a new credit card. i can only hope that i haven't given out my social security number to too many strangers while asleep. i have a feeling that i'd be a great subject for hypnosis....

3. congratulations to my brother, the "nuttiest" fan of the longhorns' first game of the year.

for his victory, he received a football signed by mack brown and now has the chance to win tickets to a game next year. i think he would have done it for nothing though.... good job bro! and i've always known that you're the "nuttiest"....

friday random ten: the beginning

2005-09-09T08:08:00.000-07:00

so i'm stealing someone's idea...again. in his martians attacking indianapolis (see left), josh presents ten random songs from his ipod hoping they will provide a bit of foreshadowing for the upcoming weekend. this weekend, i'm visiting friend #1 to explore group dynamics and talk demons, welcoming friend #2's triumphal return, and praying throughout the texas-ohio state game. let's see what we can find....

1. "1,000 Things" -- Jason Mraz
2. "Brother Down" -- Sam Roberts
3. "Breathe" -- Tribe America
4. "Get It Together" -- The Beastie Boys
5. "Sunburn" -- Fuel
6. "King of Wishful Thinking" -- Go West
7. "Take Me Out" -- Franz Ferdinand
8. "Screaming Infidelities" -- Dashboard Confessional
9. "He" -- Jars Of Clay
10. "Extreme Ways" -- Moby

these ten songs could be saying quite a bit, i think. numbers five and seven could spell great discomfort for tonight's activities. number four seems to be a theme with friend #2. and hopefully numbers two and six do not apply to the horns game saturday...for my brother's sake. anybody else have any ideas?

you should never let the sun set on tomorrow before the sun rises today....

2005-09-06T15:51:00.000-07:00

my faith in humanity is being restored. this week, i've been trying to volunteer to help katrina victims, but have been unsuccessful. this is only about the third time in my life i've tried to volunteer, so this is somewhat disheartening. the good news, though, is that i was turned away due to excess help--there are actually too many people in this town trying to help. i hear the same is true in dallas. so, if so many people are willing to help that it actually prevents me from helping, i learn two things: 1) perhaps my time is better spent watching tv and figuring out the cheapest place (by volume) to eat for each day of the week, and 2) maybe there are still good people in the world.

(now, here i was going to go on about how people are inherently bad and how we shouldn't pat ourselves on the back for donating fifteen dollars to help a city that may never exist again. but that's really more a discussion topic than a soapbox for me, so i'll leave that for real-life conversation...if anyone's interested.)

in lieu of that topic, then, i choose to write about friend #2. she FINALLY moved yesterday, even though i bought her a fancy going away dinner about three weeks ago. and though she is only a hundred miles away, no move is easy. i personally suck at moving, but i suck more at other people moving. i've been at my university for eight years now, so each year i've had more friends leave to move on to bigger things. to tell the truth, i don't miss very many people. people leave, and i'm sad we won't be hanging out anymore, but i don't necessarily miss them. i can say with surety, though, that i will miss #2. i'm glad i could be there for her time (years?) of need, and i truly feel like she knows me better than just about anyone. i can't convey how important that is to me. so, #2, as you move on to bigger things, know that i will miss you, and that this definitely is not as good as it gets.

and these days, i wish i was six again. or make me a red cape, i wanna be superman....

2005-08-31T13:37:00.000-07:00

way #57 to avoid dissertating: shop!

that's right, i came into some money this week (read: my roommate paid me back), so i decided to hit up the mall. there were several reasons for this trip, which are best described by the items i bought. (see list below)

--jeans (two pairs, american eagle) -- i don't remember the last time i bought a new pair of jeans. i'm a big thrift store-er, so this was sort of a return the the bourgeois establishment for me. the reason i needed new jeans is, if everyone doesn't already know, i've lost twenty-five pounds this year and am back to my thirty-three inch waist. i was up to thirty-six for a while, and as a result, i have about eight pairs of pants that fit somewhat awkwardly. but i'm cheap, so i'm going to keep wearing them despite the awkwardness. the weight loss is also good news for my poor, exhausted belt, which i've worn almost everyday since i was seventeen. (did i mention i'm cheap?)

--shirts (two polo and one short sleeve button-down, pacific sunwear) -- i think i might just be growing up. i hope it's not true, but the three collared shirts i bought would indicate that i am. maybe it's just waco's lack of good resale shops, but my tastes have started to stray from my typical salvation army garb. now i'm thinking, "it would be nice to have a collared shirt to wear just to look nice," "i don't want to look like these punk undergraduates anymore," and "i wonder what time luby's closes." i'm kidding on the last one, but i'm getting to that point.

--electronics (wireless mouse and ps2 controller, radio shack) -- this may well have been the first time i've ever bought anything at radio shack. the only other time i remember even going to one was in fifth grade when my dad and i bought supplies for my groundbreaking science fair project on circuits. (it had switches and light bulbs and everything!) to go along with the getting old theme, the thing i was most concerned about when making these purchases was the warrantee on them. i think this is mainly because i was buying them at radio shack though.

my own little world is what i deserve, because i am the only child there is--the king of it all, the belle of the ball....

2005-08-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

i am truman burbank. i am the star of a show devoted to my day-to-day activities, and people outside my reach cheer for and love me. producers plan events for me, obstacles for me to overcome, people for me to encounter, and character arcs for me to follow. once i leave a room, the people in that room cease to exist. i am on a stage, being pulled this way and that by external forces who hold an agenda for my particular life.

this has to be true. otherwise, that would mean everyone else has bad luck, strange encounters, and joy comparable to my own. no, the cars driving in front, behind, and to the side of me are piloted by persons with lives far less complex than my own. i am the only one who can comprehend the things that are happening to me; everyone else might have disruptions in their small lives, but not like mine.

this is what i think half the time. but then i realize that 1) my life is far too boring to be good television programming, and 2) i'm really just selfish. i'm guessing that these thoughts are almost universal, and that's why a) the truman show is such a great movie, and b) the world sucks an unhealthy percent of the time. and it's not the "do what's best for me" selfishness that gets me--i'm a capitalist and believe in adam smith's "invisble hand," to a degree. it's the "i am the only one who has a self" selfishness that kills me. after working as a waiter for a summer, a college teacher for two years, and just being alive for twenty-six years, i've seen (and displayed) this selfishness in its highest forms. not recognizing others as fully-formed people who love, hate, laugh, cry, help, and hurt is the greatest selfishness and shallowness, and i wish i was the one guilty of this practice.

i don't wanna be anything other than me....

2005-08-25T16:20:00.000-07:00

so i've resorted to stealing other people's material for this thing. check out a happy cricket's world on the left to see the original. (her version of someone else's original?) without further ado and in no particular order....

seven things i plan to do before i die:
1. learn heelside
2. get a real job
3. get me a girlfriend
4. become a morning person
5. develop a more sophisticated palate
6. figure out this theology business
7. find a cure for my social anxiety disorder

seven things i can do:
1. write me some sas code
2. down a gut pak in record time
3. look busy for hours at a time
4. be bored for hours at a time
5. procrastinate
6. hit a racquetball
7. help friends

seven things i can't do:
1. talk to strangers
2. tolerate stupidity
3. sing
4. have self control
5. calculate square roots in my head
6. beat coworkers' high scores on yahoo! games
7. let people be mad at me

seven things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. intelligence
2. demeanor
3. sense of humor
4. preferring a night at home with good friends over a night out with strangers
5. grace
6. musical ability
7. um, like, hotness?

seven things i say most:
1. that's ridiculous
2. nice
3. yo
4. uh huh
5. i suppose
6. outrageous
7. ewhwhh

seven celebrity crushes:
1. shana hiatt
2. kelly monaco
3. elisha cuthbert
4. jennifer aniston
5. sarah chalke
6. jenna fischer
7. kate beckinsale

seven people i want to take this quiz:
1. the theoblogian
2. bumblelion's mom
3. rei
4. friend #2
5. the espn lssp
6. gen x runner
7. r-deuce in austin

we're going down, down in an earlier round, and sugar we're going down swinging.....

2005-08-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

here are my thoughts as i sit in the phoenix airport....

--wow, that must be a pretty big blizzard between here and austin to delay my flight for two and a half hours.

--how is it that an airport starbucks can be so much worse than a regular starbucks?

--pasta tastes good.

--does the guy next to me find that throwing back bloody marys on a flight makes make his technology today magazine any more interesting?

--can my ipod retain its charge until i reach my destination? i'm betting the under....

--what would the waiting area's reaction be if i clotheslined one of the little monsters running around--disgust or applause?

--at home, i can feel so shallow it hurts even to think about it. in vegas, on the other hand, i feel like the frickin' mariana trench.

--why is water so interesting to watch?

--i don't understand why the people at my poker table didn't believe me when i told them texas is the best place on earth.

--i've heard all but an audible voice from god telling me not to play blackjack anymore, but i'm not listening.

--why didn't she email me back?

--dessert tastes good.

--where is the primitive radio gods guy today?

--staying up all night makes me a lot funner.

--how long could i survive on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches alone?

--last night i sat across from a guy who may well have been the love child of al pacino and timothy hutton.

--free sandwiches at five in the morning taste good.

--do i need to clean up this mess i made, or will someone come along and do it for me? and will they bring any wet naps with them?

--people fly to omaha?

--that couple will have really tall children.

--highlights of the trip: riding in a limo, the capriotti's sandwich (i ate stuffing and cranberry sauce!), drawing out a full house on someone, seeing vegas in the daytime, second city, good friends.

--lowlights of the trip: losing all my money in the first twenty-four hours, bad plays, bad cards, bad luck, aces cracked by jack deuce off, kings running into aces, and missing big brother.

gold teeth and a curse for this town were all in my mouth, only i don't know how they got out, dear....

2005-08-16T22:02:00.000-07:00

my friends are not always friend-ly. at church on sunday, one of them made me revisit the scene of my aforementioned paint/"haiti" debacle. the paint stain was indeed still there...fortunately katie was not. i still grimace when i think about the whole thing. so, in honor of that night, here are the top two most embarrassing first meetings with girls i mentioned.

setting 1: summer 2000, working at structure in the mall. i'd had a crush on one of the girls working at express, but knew nothing about her, not even her name. i was quite content just looking at her through the breezeway connecting our stores, as, once again, i'm completely shallow. this process of her walking by and me looking at her had been going on all summer. and then it happens. tax free weekend. the entire mall is packed full of parents and their rotten children who unfold every shirt they can, sans intent to buy or regard for the employee holding a folding board standing next to said shirt. anyway, all employees are present, and i'm very happy that i am in the back room folding all day, thereby avoiding the chaos on the floor. this back room is common to both structure and express. so, as i'm folding, the girl walks in to get something from stock. she looks at me and says, "pretty crazy out there, eh?" i look at her, open my mouth to respond something like "yes, please, thank you," but i can't even manage that. so i do the next best thing and give her...a thumbs up. total choke. my chest still hurts when i think about it. i don't think i ever saw that girl again.

setting 2: spring 2004, hanging out at a friend's clothing shop. she has a friend in the store whom i'd never met. she introduces us and we chit chat about our lives and things. it's going well, i suppose-- i'm not trying to hit on her or anything, just get to know her. there is a lull, and my friend tells me that this person is going to nursing school. this interjection catches me off guard for some reason, and i have no real response to it. so, being the quick thinker i am, i give her...a thumbs up. actually that's a lie, but it might be better than what i really said. "nursing school...i like nurses." painful right? well hang on. i had no idea why i had said this and quickly realized it was not an appropriate response. so, to cover for this faux pas, i say, "nurses are good." this did not make me feel any better about the situation. i don't think i ever saw that girl again.

as i'm talking, my words slip to the floor....

2005-08-14T11:30:00.000-07:00

so yesterday was graduation, and i attended about twenty minutes of the ceremony. to my knowledge, i only knew one person walking across the stage: friend #2. (i wouldn't be surprised if one of the monsters from any of the classes i taught walked yesterday as well, though i also wouldn't be surprised if none of them ever graduated.) two thoughts arose from these twenty minutes. first, is this important? is college a big deal? if some of the kids i taught were indeed able to wipe the drool off their chins and walk across this stage, is a diploma really worth anything? now, i know friend #2 deserves her degree...she (apparently) sets the bar for everyone in her classes. but these other people?

here's some sociology for yall. in my intro class, i talk about "credential inflation"--basically the idea that the more college degrees are handed out, the less they really mean. so, in order to stand out from college graduates, more people head off to get masters degrees. as more people get masters degrees, those who want to stand out have to get phds. in the process, the lower degrees lose value. so, for better or worse, the college degree is quickly becoming the high school diploma of fifty or so years ago. and colleges know this. is my university difficult? if pushed, i would probably say no. but i'll have a diploma (or three) from it, and hopefully that will get me in the door of a good company.

my second thought was, what's the point of graduation? this event with twenty-somethings wearing dark robes and particularly unstylish hats walking across a stage and accepting a certificate no doubt holds a great deal of symbolism and bears deep historical roots. but is it necessary? how many of these graduates would be terribly upset if they were instead able to sleep in, walk to their mailbox later in the week, and find their green diploma tube waiting for them there? would their families be any less proud or celebratory?

i too am guilty of sitting through a graduation (or three) of my own, and i have no idea why. i get no sense of accomplishment or completion out of it. am i supposed to feel different? smarter? grown up? prideful? i tend to feel the same way about most ceremonies though (weddings, awards, etc.). i attend them and am happy for the people involved, hoping that they experience the feelings i just mentioned and more. but for me, forget the pomp and circumstance and take me out for a mudslide (or three).

i like the monkey game, but i don't want to be the monkey....

2005-08-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

it's one of those days. not really a case of the mondays (or thursdays, as it were), just one of those days where you don't feel like doing anything. not working, not sleeping, not talking, not being alone. so, as i sit here in my office, i stare blankly at the computer screen, refill my water bottle when it gets anywhere close to empty, count the minutes until imdb updates, highlight acquaintances on my buddy list and debate sending them a message, watch the equalizer bars on my windows media player dance to whatever cd is playing (today: citizen cope. thanks bunkers!), throw the koosh ball with any willing bystander, continually click the "next blog>>" button, give my coworkers strange looks, shoot some nerf hoops, pray that my phone won't ring, and apparently record it all for you people. this is not everyday, mind you. when i have work to do, i generally do it quite expeditiously. this "set your own schedule" stuff though...it's for the birds.